Cloudy with a Chance of Mattballs
by Miharu is Harukas Love Child 2
Summary: "By the way, Matt, where's the tape of our New Year's trip to Vegas?" the voice was sugary and dangerous—the tone Mello reserved for when he was ready to put bullets through Matt's games. M/M, Crack!Humor


Cloudy With a Chance of Mattballs (repost from old account)

**_A/N:_**_ This is my "I survived finals so let's celebrate plus I ate sugar and it's St. Patrick's Day" present to all of you!_

_I'd like to dedicate this oneshot to The Original Gamer, curz she said I'm her new bestie and she's my new long-distance gaming buddy and she writes the most amazingly hilarious reviews that always make me smile stupidly. Teehee_

_Enjoy. Oh and I totally can take flames if you don't like the story. Your honesty is my cup of sugar._

_Disclaimer: If I actually owned Death Note, Ryuk would've done the whole succubus thing with Light and Matsuda would have had a catchphrase._

* * *

Halle brushed the blond strands out of her eyes and pulled the small car neatly into its compact parking space. The anonymous umbrella in her hands shielded the groceries as she scurried into the headquarters of the SPK. Depositing the brown paper bag on a table, she removed her wet jacket and shoes, carefully placing them where they wouldn't expose moisture to the delicate machinery in the room.

Gevanni was the only other one in the room. Halle sighed. He was asleep in a chair, a half-empty coffee mug long abandoned in front him and trails of drool pooling from his gaping hole of a mouth. She looked around, but her boss was nowhere in sight. That wasn't unusual; Near liked to isolate himself with his work, for hours at a time. Most often he could be found entrapped in his elaborate visual playground of cards and figures, plotting and analyzing strategies.

She decided it was better to announce her presence, however, so she could efficiently attend to anything Near set before her. She walked towards the observation room, the adjacent door was flooding blue light, a testimony that someone was watching some sort of video in there. Halle's stiletto caught on a ripped and crinkled envelope just outside the door. She picked it up, attempting to read the horribly unintelligible handwriting.

_'This ought to show you once and for all who's number one, you fucking sheep-tard.'_

She walked into the room, which was occupied by Near. The boy was on the floor, sitting in his usual position, wearing white pajamas and fingering a lock of his powdery hair. It wasn't until she was walking a bit closer that she noticed how engrossed he was with the screen in front of him. Near's mouth was hanging open and his eyes were wide and in rapt attention.

Halle wondered what could possibly be so engrossing until she heard moaning. Quickly she glanced at the screen, and her jaw slacked in horror…and fascination.

Fifteen minutes later, Gevanni and Rester had joined them, crowding around the single screen, with a bowl of microwave popcorn between them.

When the recording finished, they all looked at each other and shifted uncomfortably. Halle hadn't known there were so many "creative" uses for strings of light bulbs and tree ornaments. Gevanni vowed he was giving up eggnog. Rester failed at hiding his boner. Near spoke after a moment.

"Gevanni?"

"Yes?"

"Please remove Matt and Mello from our Christmas Card mailing list."

"…..."

…/…/…/…Meanwhile.../…/…/…

"Hey Matt?" said the blond Mafia boss from the door of their crappy apartment, "You sent out that threat tape I made to Near, right?"

The redhead paused the level on his handheld gaming system before taking in the tight leathered curves of his lover, who's tongue was busy molesting the milky endorphins out of a chocolate bar.

"Uhuh Mello," he said, much more interested in giving Mello his best bedroom eyes than giving him a real answer.

Mello seemed to take the bait since he sauntered over to the couch and straddled Matt, thrusting the gamer's head into the armrest. Or at least that's what Matt thought when the blond began unzipping his vest and threw it to the floor.

"By the way, Matt, where's the tape of our New Year's trip to Vegas?" the voice was sugary and dangerous—the tone Mello reserved for when he was ready to put bullets through Matt's games.

"Isn't it with the other home movi—ahhhh….uuuuhhhhh."

Mello had slid his fingers under Matt's shirt, first fingering the soft flesh of his nipples before using his teeth to tease with the zipper to his jeans. Matt shivered as a warm tongue made contact with chasm of his belly button. Ignoring the smoker's arousal, Mello plucked off the trademark orange goggles that hid Matt's eyes, drinking in the naked eyes.

"Funny thing. I was looking at the shelf and I found a tape labeled 'Bitch On This, Albino.' But our Vegas movie didn't seem to be there. Now what do you think happened to it, _Matty_? Hmmnnn?"

Matt opened his mouth in horror, realization dawning on his already crimson cheeks. Mello took advantage of his vulnerability and flipped him over. The tight snap of handcuffs merely confirmed the blonde's intention. Matt was in deep shit and he knew better than to protest at this point.

Mello roughly shoved him on his back and yanked his jeans down to his knees, applying his mouth to the badly neglected erection.

"Muh…..ahhhh…Mello!" he panted when his boyfriend abruptly pulled away.

"Oh. I'm sorry…were you enjoying that?"

Mello stood up and removed his leather pants. He inched towards Matt, but refused to resume contact. He pumped himself, moaning and hovering inches over Matt, until he released on his lovers stomach. Matt cursed his position, the restraints keeping him from touching Mello or at the very least, giving some relief to his own throbbing cock.

"I'm going to take a shower now," Mello smiled innocently, walking away, leaving Matt to contemplate his sins.

"Fucking shit damnit!" Matt screamed after his squirming caused him to fall on the floor, his dick painfully hitting the linoleum.

Matt never again mixed up the tapes after that.

* * *

_A/n: Teehee. So did you think that was fun? I sure had fun writing it. LOL Near's face. Priceless. This was originally a one-shot but after careful consideration I think I'll write a couple more chapters. Some more loseely connected pieces along the lines of Mello punishes Matt for being too absorbed in his games...Would you like that? more of thlis? _

_Responses?_


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